Do you have any collections?

I was in my mid-twenties when I got this collection. It wasn’t something I thought about or even wanted. I used to look at them with my best friend Keith. He was my brother-in-law. He loved his collection of comic books. He never parted with them. I remember going to the store with him whenever a new volume would come out.

How I got this collection is heartbreaking, and let’s say I have carried this heartbreak around for years. Our relationship began when he came to the church I was attending. He was a beautiful chocolate guy, with a contagious smile. He was easy to talk to and become friends with.

We used to walk to school and church together. His mom became my godmother, and our relationship as a family grew. We both graduated from high school and he joined the Navy. By this time, his oldest brother and I had married and had our first child.

He joined the Navy, and when he left, we wrote to each other every day. I was heartbroken when he left, but he was here when his niece was born. I was carrying my second child when he left for training. Keith was a surprising young man because I never would have thought military life was on his radar. He graduated from Navy boot camp went onto active duty.

In the 80s, there was a lot happening with HIV and AIDS, especially in same-sex relationships. We found out that Keith was gay after he joined the Navy. However, he did not disclose this to the military. They found out, and he went AWOL. Needless to say, I was devastated because we lost touch with one another.

Once he was located, he was discharged. The entire time he was active, we kept in touch. He was proud to be an uncle, and when he came home, we started hanging out again. I was thrilled to have my best friend back.

Let me backtrack. During the time he went AWOL, I was pregnant with his nephew. We asked him to be our son’s godfather. He was so proud and accepted. He was always buying stuff for his niece and nephew. When he came home, we had the Christening. It was about four years later that the two most painfully tragic experiences of my life happened.

Keith went missing for about two weeks. We had no idea where he was or what was happening to him. His mother and I prayed for his safe return every day. One night, I had a dream I saw him turning endlessly in a corner. He had no way out, he seemed stuck and lost. He was turning around and around as if something was spinning him in place.

We found out before he was discharged that he had contacted HIV and was infected. Simultaneously, we found out he was gay. I met his partner and fell in love with him. Not only was he gay, but his partner was white. In the 80s, that meant nothing but trouble. Their relationship was beautiful, and they seemed happy.

We got a call about a week after my dream from his partner that they were in an accident. My husband said he was pronounced dead on the scene, but they managed to get a faint pulse. We rushed to the hospital, and when I saw him, he looked like he was sleeping. For a second, I felt hopeful. I held onto his hand and told him how much I love him and that he will be okay.

He had a few tiny scars on his hand, but we saw no visible damage to his body. The doctor told us he had no brain activity. Keith was not asleep, nor was he in a coma; he was brain dead. His brain had severed in the back of his head from the impact of the vehicle that hit them. He was asleep in the back of the car when they were hit.

Writing this story and revisiting this moment is breaking my heart. I miss my best friend, brother, my son’s godfather and uncle of my children. What makes this tragedy even more devastating was my mother lost her battle with cancer a month before. Needless to say, my emotions were beyond devastated because Mom died on my wedding anniversary.

After both funerals, the deep loss and sadness settled in, and I was lost. I have not felt pain like that ever again, and I have some dark stories I could tell that happened since that time. I used my religion to cloak and deny the depth of my pain. But when you don’t deal with devastation and pain it will surface at some point in your life. That’s another story for another time!

As we went through Keith’s things, I wanted something we had shared together, and it was his comic book collection. I still have them to this day. I never pull them out. Twice I pulled them out when I was moving, but have not laid eyes on them for about two years!

The comic books are my memorial!