What sacrifices have you made in life?

Loosing my autonomy to regaining it!

All my life, I have been unable to maintain control of my autonomy. There’s always something pulling on it or requesting that I give away my agency. One of the biggest institutions I was immersed in was religion.

Being brought up in a religious home, I found myself constantly giving away my will and my opinions for the sake of being in right standing with God. I always understood that if I did not obey God and my elders, I would bust hell wide open.

So, although I gave away my autonomy, I did it through coercion and fear. For decades, I lived my life fearfully, and my autonomy was sacrificed to ensure I pleased God and my leaders. The leaders were God in all honesty because I never met God apart from the voice in my head.

I believe God exists in the sense that I exist. I find myself often existing, but that’s not the same as living. So, for me, the biggest sacrifice I’ve made was giving up my autonomy to a religious system out of terrifying fear and overwhelming worry that I was doing the right thing.

One thing people don’t realize about religion is that it is a sacrificial practice and maintaining your agency or autonomy goes against the doctrine and rituals of the church.

The church, in many cases, teaches submission and obedience, often at the expense of personal freedom and individuality.

The sacrifice was not just of my autonomy, but also of my individuality. There was no room to question, to seek answers, or to explore different possibilities. There was only one path, one truth, and any deviation from it was seen as a sign of rebellion or lack of faith. I had to conform, to fit into the pre-set molds, and that left little room for my own voice and personal growth.

The fear of divine retribution and societal ostracization was deeply ingrained in me. I was constantly on edge, worried about stepping out of line, and this fear permeated every aspect of my life. I was not living; I was merely existing within these boundaries.

Moreover, the sacrifices were not just emotional but also physical. The demands of religious rituals and observances often took a toll on my health and well-being. The long hours of prayer, fasting, and participation in religious ceremonies often left me physically drained.

Additionally, the financial sacrifices were also significant. Tithes, offerings, and contributions to the church were expected, and often at the expense of personal needs and comforts. Money that could have gone towards my personal development, education, or even a secure future was instead directed towards the church.

So, when I say that I sacrificed my autonomy for religion, understand that it is not just about surrendering my will. It is about surrendering my identity, my individuality, my health, my wealth, and my dreams. It’s about living a life dictated by fear, and not by personal choice or desire.

My journey has been a complex one, filled with many challenges, but also many lessons along the way. It has taught me about the importance of maintaining personal freedom, of questioning, of seeking my own truth. It has made me value my autonomy more than anything else, and I am on a continuous journey to reclaim it.

The sacrifices I made, though painful, have shaped me into the person I am today. They have instilled in me the courage to question, to seek, and to grow.

So while I lived 90 percent of my life fighting to remain relevant to God and the demands of religious institutions, I have also sacrificed my religion to regain my autonomy. Full circle.⭕️

http://www.dorothywparker.com