What quality do you value most in a friend?

“Boundaries” are often broken, we need to strengthen them.

I had a friend once who felt very comfortable trying to fix my marriage. I was having trouble in my marriage; my husband had cheated on me, and I was thinking about moving to another state.

I was young and had two children. It was a very difficult time in my life, and a mentor was going to let me stay with her and her family. At that time, I was thinking about joining the military, and no one wanted me to do that.

So my friend took it upon herself to call my mentor and discuss very personal details about me and my marriage. I had no idea this had happened, until my husband told me that he got a call from my mentor. I felt violated and disrespected.

He told me that he informed my mentor that the things she heard about me weren’t true and that my friend had overstepped her boundaries by discussing our marriage and his wife. I called her and cussed her out. We both cried because the loss of our friendship was debilitating and tore a hole in both our lives.

Acts done in the name of friendship can often be hurtful and violations can occur, however unintentional. These violations often happen because friendships can make you vulnerable.

However, when you’re young, no matter how loyal and loving your friendship can be, immaturity and not knowing what boundaries you should not cross can devastate a relationship.

It took me a long time to overcome this breach in our friendship because it was so painfully violating. It took months before I could open my heart to her again because I was afraid. Every friendship is tested, and my friend and I were no exception. It took time for us to work on this area in our friendship

Our friendship began in 1977, and it is still a very deeply connected relationship to this day. We have never had onother quarrel or fight again. We still talk about everything, but we are clear that even in the most loving, caring, and vulnerable moments, violations can occur when boundaries are not set.

The lesson for me out of all this was: qualities in friendships can vary, and you get what each other brings to the friendship. But in friendships you are vulnerable, boundaries are a must and should not be violated.

I learned that no matter how trusting and loving a relationship is, because of the very nature of the relationship, even in marriage, violations do occur and are often broken. Sometimes these violations are committed out of love, which is why they can be so deeply damaging.